The Beginning
by Cheyennes
Summary: This story is from the time before Amir was on the team. When Jaz's best friend, Elijah, was suddenly taken from them. I believe his passing changed the dynamics of the team and had a significant impact on their relationships with one another.
1. Chapter 1

Every team mission was planned out in advance. Every detail. Plans were put in place for when things didn't go according to plan. Yet somehow even with all that planning things could go horribly wrong. And on this particular mission, things went so wrong, none of them would ever forget it.

Everything had been going so smoothly. Right up until the silence of the early morning was shattered by the echo of gunshots from multiple locations. They had only planned to hear a single gunshot from one. Specifically McG's position as he hit the target.

"Target is down. I repeat, the target is down," McG's voice echoed through their coms.

Jaz barely heard him over the silent screams in her head. Elijah's body had fallen over hers and pinned her to the ground. His blank eyes staring at the sky.

"Jaz, report!" Top's voice demanded.

He sounded worried. She and Elijah were the only ones out of his direct view. She should say something. Tell them that they had just lost a big part of their lives. On the other hand, if she put it off, maybe she would wake up and this would all be a horrible nightmare. But then she felt his warm blood soaking into her clothes, and knew it was certainly a nightmare, but not one she would wake up from anytime soon.

She could tell time was passing. Maybe minutes, maybe more. She heard rustling near her position. She knew she should be concerned. But she couldn't process what was happening enough to consider pulling her weapon up to defend herself. She felt frozen. Lucky for her that it was friend not foe who approached her.

"Top, I found Jaz and Elijah. Elijah is down!"

McG pulled Elijah off and checked him before turning his attention to her. The fact that he moved on so quickly confirmed that Elijah was really gone. There was nothing McG could do to bring him back. Just a few minutes ago he was teasing her and now he was just. . . .

"Stay with them! We're coming to you. Status on Jaz?"

"Concious but non-responsive. Checking for injuries now."

"Watch your six. Preach is looking for the other tangos."

Jaz was so cold. Elijah couldn't be gone. He had pulled off more crazy things during their time as teammates than she had believed possible. They hadn't been doing anything crazy this time. This time they were just clearing buildings, looking for enemy targets, which they had done hundreds of times before. Without ever having an incident. This couldn't be happening.

She realized that McG was removing her vest and he was talking to her. But all she could do was look at Elijah's open eyes which were blank of everything that made him. . . him.

Top crouched directly in her line of vision blocking her view.

"You're going to be okay, Jaz."

She didn't know how he could say so. She was fairly certain she would never be okay again.

A tugging sensation caught her attention and she realized McG was cutting through the sleeve of her shirt. Since she hadn't been responding to him, he was now talking directly to Top.

"I thought the blood was all his at first but she took a bullet to the shoulder. It's a through and through but it bled a lot. I'm going to put a pressure bandage on it and we'll deal with it back at Base."

"She'll be okay?"

"She'll survive this, Top."

His voice indicated that this wound was the lesser of the two. The one to her heart was so much worse.

"Top, the other tangos bugged out. I'm coming to you." Preach's voice updated them.

She felt the echo of pain as the pressure bandage was applied. It was a bare blip on her radar. She tried to focus on Preach as he crouched in front of her but it was a challenge. Felt her position change as he wrapped his arms around her and stood. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist like a child. Over his shoulder she watched as Top crouched down, said something over Elijah's body, and took off his dog tags. He turned around and walked over to her before draping them around her neck.

"Preach, please take her to the truck. McG and I will meet you shortly."

Preach knew they would be covering Elijah's body and didn't want Jaz to have to watch. He didn't think that was a problem. As far as he could tell, she wasn't seeing anything other than the moment when she realized he'd been shot. He walked steadily with her to the truck and put her in the passenger side seat. Grabbing a blanket from his pack, he wrapped it around her before heading to the driver's side himself. It was only a few minutes later when Top and McG appeared within his view. Elijah's wrapped body was over Top's shoulder and Preach felt the truck sway with their movements as they got in the back.

He stepped out of the cab when Top approached the driver's side door.

"How is she, Preach?"

"Quiet."

"Would you mind sitting in the back? Maybe say some words over him?"

"It would be my honor."


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews and follows for this story. I'm glad you are enjoying it.

Adam took a couple of deep breaths as Preach walked away. Things had gone so wrong. This was supposed to be a fairly easy mission. Of course, at their level, no mission was truly easy, but this one was supposed to be routine. Get in, terminate the target, and get out. Now his entire team was grieving with the one most affected sitting quietly in the truck.

Jaz and Elijah had been quite the pair. He never could have imagined the way they had bonded when he first brought her on the team. Elijah would be expecting him to be here for her now, and in the future, but he wasn't sure he could fill the hole this loss had left in her life. The rest of the team would step up too but Elijah's relationship with her had been unique. He saw her as his partner in arms but also never forgot she was a woman. Most of the girly things she owned were from him. He had a knack for picking out things she loved.

Adam never forgot she was a woman either but he had to be careful to maintain some distance. There had never been any sexual attraction between Elijah and Jaz but he couldn't say the same about his relationship with her. In any other situation she would have been in his bed long before now. Not only was she a beautiful woman, she was also a strong woman. One who had lived through and overcome severe adversity. It was that core of strength that really drew him to her.

He reached over to her for a second taking her hand in his and gently squeezing.

"We're going home, Jaz. We'll talk more when we get there, okay?"

She didn't respond but he hadn't really expected her to say anything. Under the corner of the blanket he could see the pressure bandage starting to stain with her blood. It was clear that she would need more medical care as soon as they arrived on Base.

He started the truck and began the drive back. All the while scanning for pursuit, even though he was certain that McG and Preach were doing the same from the back. He also split his time looking over at Jaz who was now leaning against the inside of the passenger door. Her eyes were open but he didn't think she was really seeing anything.

It took a few hours for them to arrive back at Base. It had been a somber and quiet ride and their arrival was bittersweet due to their loss. He stayed in the truck with Jaz while the guys unloaded Elijah and took him to the morgue. She didn't need to see him being carried away. Once they were out of sight he jumped down and walked around to the passenger side. He opened the door and helped her down, keeping a good grip around her, until he was sure she was steady. She didn't seem inclined to move under her own power so he wrapped his hand around the upper part of her good arm and steered her to Medical.

Fortunately it was quiet and she was one of only a few patients. After a thorough exam she was pronounced to be suffering from shock, a concussion from striking the back of her head on the hard ground, and moderate blood loss. Her wound was cleaned and stitched, fluids and antibiotics were given, and pain medication was administered. Her arm was placed in a sling to support her wound while it healed. He listened as she was given instructions about the need to rest, when to return, and all the other things she really didn't care about. He took a step back and bumped into McG turning to realize Preach was there too.

"Sorry, I didn't realize you were standing there."

"No worries. We wanted to see how she was doing. Is she going back with us?"

"They talked about keeping her for observation but I want her with us. I told them we had our own medic on the team so they agreed she could be released. Assuming you're okay with watching over her medical care?"

"Sure. I'd like to keep her close too."

They watched as the nurse got Jaz to her feet. She bobbled a bit but got herself together and walked towards them. McG grabbed a clean blanket from the blanket warmer and wrapped it around her somehow securing it with her sling.

"Why don't you guys go ahead? I'll get the report and join you," McG suggested.

They agreed since they wanted to get Jaz home as soon as possible so she could rest. Dalton and Preach towered over her as they walked back to their home on Base. Ready to grab her if she lost her balance. Once they got inside Adam wrapped his arm around her waist and walked her to her room. When they arrived she stood just inside the door but didn't look like she knew what to do next. He looked her over. Really looked at her. Her clothes were stiff with Elijah's dried blood and there was still some blood splatter here and there on her skin and in her hair.

"How about a shower, Jaz?"

She shrugged with her good shoulder. Dalton proceeded to dig through her clothing and found a pair of soft leggings, fuzzy socks, and a loose fleece tunic that Elijah had bought her. She could use the comfort and the warmth. He followed her down to their bathroom, laid her clothing on the sink, and pulled the shower curtain back turning on the water so it would heat up. He helped her get the sling off but dared go no further.

"Okay?"

She nodded and he left her alone to shower and change. It was a long wait. The shower was fast enough but getting dressed was apparently a slow process. He would hear movement for a while that would stop and then restart after a rest period. He was just about to press his ear to the door again when he heard McG whisper,

"How is she?"

"She took a shower and she's getting dressed. Sounds like a slow and painful process."

"I'm sure the head injury isn't helping. It didn't occur to me that she might have hit her head when Elijah's weight landed on her. Combined with her other injuries she probably could use some extra help."

McG stepped to the door and knocked, "Jaz, can I come in?"

"Okay."

McG opened the door and steam rolled out and enveloped them both. She was dressed and sitting on the toilet lid. Her wet hair dripping on her clothes.

"Let's get that sling back on, Jaz, and I'll finish your hair for you."

He got her arm situated and quickly but gently braided the dark silk spilling around her face. It wasn't as good as her usual hairstyle but it wasn't terrible. He crouched down in front of her so she didn't have to crane her neck.

"Are you hungry?"

She shook her head.

"Tired?"

She looked at McG with weary eyes and nodded.

"It's getting late anyway. Let's get you in bed."

He walked beside her as Adam followed them down the hall. McG turned on the bedside table light and pulled back the sheets and the blankets. He propped her pillows up against the wall to provide extra support for her shoulder. She carefully climbed onto the mattress and got herself in a decent position. He covered her up to her chin in hopes of keeping her warm. Her wet hair wasn't going to help with that but he didn't think she would have made it through him blow drying the silken mass.

"Someone is going to sleep in here with you tonight."

"I'm okay," she said softly.

He knew none of them were okay.

"I know. Doctor's orders due to the concussion. We'll be checking on you every couple of hours to make sure you aren't confused."

She nodded before sinking down deeper into the pillows and closing her eyes. She looked exhausted. Both McG and Adam left her room and walked out to the common area in silence.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Thanks again for the reviews, follows, and favorites. I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

"How is she?" Preach asked from their table.

They both noticed he was nursing a glass of Scotch. Very much out of character for him. But if there was ever a day that deserved alcohol, today was that day.

"Too early to tell. She's tired. Between the head injury and the pain medication she isn't exactly at her best. She'll need monitoring tonight. I thought I'd stay with her just to make sure she's stable," McG reported.

"Agreed but we should share the load. Preach, do you want second or third shift?" Adam inquired.

"I'll take the last one if you don't mind."

"Fine with me. McG, I'll relieve you in four hours."

"Sounds like a plan."

As McG walked away Adam realized that no one had eaten since early in the morning. However, hunger was now the last thing on their minds and he decided a missed meal wouldn't kill any of them. He grabbed another glass and poured some of the Scotch into it. Unlike Preach he downed the contents and savored the burn.

"I'm going to grab some shut eye. Let me know if I'm needed."

"Will do."

Adam was asleep before his head hit the pillows. It was a deep and dreamless rest which was more than he had expected. In fact, without the vibrating of his wrist alarm to wake him, he could have slept for hours more. But he had a responsibility to what was left of his team. He grabbed his sleep sack from the floor and walked down the hall to find McG picking up his own bedding. He stepped out into the hall to join him.

"I just woke her, Top, so she's good for two more hours. She's starting to get a little cranky about having her sleep interrupted so I'd recommend some distance when you check on her," he said with a small smile.

"Understood."

Adam put his bedding on the floor and walked over to look at her. She was pale in the soft light but she had more color than when he had seen her after her shower. No one was watching so he couldn't resist brushing his thumb across her baby soft cheek. Pulling himself away he set his alarm for two hours and settled down on the floor. Those two hours passed like seconds. He stood to check on her drowsily and then instantly found himself wide awake. Jaz wasn't in her bed. The little ninja had snuck out on him. He checked the common area and she wasn't there or outside either. He realized the last place he was about to check should have been the first.

He pushed the door open to Elijah's room and saw her curled up under the covers. She had her good arm wrappped around one of his pillows and had pulled it tight to her chest. He swallowed the lump in his throat and moved his bedding to a spot on the floor in the room. Once he had everything settled he leaned close to her and brushed away tendrils of hair from her face that had escaped her braid. Her eyes opened blearily.

"You feel okay, Jaz?"

"Yes. Go back to sleep."

She closed her own eyes and snuggled back down. Those words were more than she had spoken at one time since the mission yesterday. He was satisfied and returned to his spot on the floor but found that now he couldn't get back to sleep. Images from the day before kept interrupting his attempts. He finally gave up after another hour and went out to the common area. He wasn't surprised to find Preach still there. He didn't think the man had even tried to sleep.

"Everything going okay, Adam?"

"As well as can be expected. I need to notify Elijah's family today so that's on my mind."

"Never easy to tell parents that their child has died. Never easy to hear it either. I hope I'm never on the receiving side."

There was a soft noise behind them and they turned to see Jaz walking towards them. Aparently she was done sleeping as well. Tears were pooling in her eyes but she blinked them away. She had clearly heard the tail end of their conversation.

"I'd like to call them."

Adam pushed the chair next to him away from the table for her. She settled into it pulling her feet under her.

"Normally that's my responsibility, Jaz. Are you sure?"

She nodded her head and brushed an escaped tear onto her shoulder.

"I should do it. They know me better than anyone else and I was with him. I can tell them he didn't suffer. That he was gone before. . . before either of us knew what had happened."

More tears escaped and were brushed away.

"If you're sure."

"I am. I'll call them in a couple hours. They're expecting to hear from him this morning so they should be waiting."

"Okay. We'll clear out so you have privacy but if you need me you call me."

"I will."

Having said what she wanted to say she stood and left the common area. About thirty minutes later she was dressed in her uniform and headed toward the door.

"Where are you going, Jaz?" Adam inquired.

"Taking a walk."

"Want company?"

"No. Thanks for the offer though."

She walked out as Preach turned to him to share his observations, "She's dealing with a lot of pain Adam. Making the call is a need for her not a want. She's been staying with Elijah's family at least some of every leave since she joined the team. Wants them to hear the news from someone who loved Elijah as they did. She's practically a part of their family. He worked hard to make sure she felt that way."

Adam had definitely seen enough pictures of the two of them together on leave. Usually goofing off with Elijah's family which just proved that she was a true member. Minutes later his phone rang.

"Dalton."

"Captain, we have a Sgt Khan here asking to see the body of her fallen teammate. Shall I allow it?"

"Yes."

"Acknowledged. Have a good day, Captain."

Preach looked at him with a raised eyebrow as he disconnected the call.

"Apparently her walk took her directly to the morgue."

"I guess we shouldn't be too surprised. She wasn't really able to absorb everything yesterday."

"I know, Preach. I just wish she had let me go with her."

"There are just some things she's going to need to do alone. No matter how much we want to support her through everything. At least we know she'll be back soon. After all, she has an appointment she isn't going to want to miss."

Yes, she did. In the meantime Adam needed to get back to taking care of his team. He knew they had to keep up their strength up, and missing another meal wouldn't help, so he started cooking breakfast. Preach was more than happy to lend a hand and McG joined them shortly after they started. They filled him in on the events to this point and the need for Jaz to have the common area to herself in 30 minutes. Knowing she hadn't eaten, they put aside a covered plate on the counter for her. A little later she walked in with red rimmed eyes and a look of determination on her face as they finished eating.

"There's some food on the table, Jaz. You need to eat something," Adam told her.

She nodded distractedly as she took her coat back to her room. While she was doing that McG and Preach got their own coats and looked at Adam.

"You guys go ahead. I'm going to stay here in my room. Just in case."

They nodded before leaving and Adam passed Jaz in the hallway.

"I'll be here if you need me."

"Okay."


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Happy Wednesday! Thanks again for all the reviews. I believe this will be the next to the last chapter of this story.

Adam closed the door to his room but it wasn't long before the sounds of grief echoed down the hall. While he couldn't hear exactly what was being said, he could hear Jaz's quiet voice answering what sounded like questions. More time passed with the occasional sob and murmur. He knew the conversation was over when the front door slammed shut.

While he had let her make the call as requested, he also took the opportunity to make his own call to Elijah's family. He offered his condolences and assured them that the entire team would be there for Elijah's services back on US soil. Elijah's mother also took the opportunity to pass a message to him.

"Captain, I want you to know that we love that girl like she's our own. She never had much of a family as far as we can tell. But she has us and she'll still have us. Elijah would expect nothing less and it's surely not a hardship for us. With that said, I know she's blaming herself for his death. She doesn't need to say it, I can read it in her eyes. She's wishing she was the first one through that door. Until she gets here, please watch over her for us."

"You don't even have to ask. Every one of us knows how close they were. We'll bring her home to you."

He ended the call with a hollow feeling in his chest. Of course Jaz felt reponsible. He felt responsible. The whole team felt responsible. It would take time to put everything that had happened in perspective.

The days passed slowly. They were automatically off rotation until after Elijah's services. In addition, he had made arrangements for everyone to have two weeks of leave after the service. McG and Preach were already aware so that they could make arrangements with their own families. However, they were sworn to secrecy about the leave as he didn't want Jaz to make arrangements to be alone. He had made arrangements for her. She would be staying with Elijah's family as would he. They had been kind enough to offer him the use of a small house on their property where they used to live before Elijah and his brothers were born. He could use the quiet while still being close to others. When you spent so much time living with your team it was disconcerting to be alone.

The day finally arrived to take Elijah home. They opted to fly with his body on the cargo plane which made for a long flight for everyone. But it was important to them. Their last mission as a team.

They escorted him off the plane and watched as Jaz accompanied the flag draped casket to the respresentative from the funeral home. Once that task was complete, Jaz was tearfully greeted by every member of Elijah's family. They worried over the sling supporting her wounded shoulder so she assured them that it was off most of the time now. It was just a warning so no one bumped her too hard or squeezed her to death.

Elijah's family knew everyone from past team gatherings so no introductions were needed. They loaded into the cars and drove back to the family home. Jaz would be staying in Elijah's childhood room while the rest of them stayed in the small guest house. He got the impression that Elijah's mom wanted the opportunity to fuss over her adopted chick. They spent the night with his family sharing memories and looking at old pictures.

The next morning was more somber as they donned their dress uniforms and attended the service. Each of them took the opportunity to speak of the good man that Elijah was and what he had meant to the team. But by the time Jaz was done speaking, there hadn't been a dry eye in the house.

After arriving at the cemetary the team had the honor of serving as pallbearers. After they had finished escorting the casket, Adam made sure to keep Jaz close by. Not that he would have had much choice. Elijah's mother was constantly checking to make sure she was with someone.

He saw the first chink in Jaz's composure during the rifle salute. She jerked into him with such force that he bumped into McG. They both looked at her and her face was absolutely white. The only word he could think of to describe her expression was haunted. He realized in that moment that she hadn't been exposed to the sound of gunshots since the ones that had ended Elijah's life. He slid his hand between their bodies and laced his fingers through hers giving her hand a squeeze. She looked up at him and started pulling herself back to the present. He knew he needed to get her back on the range the second she was medically cleared. Once she was back in the present, he pulled his hand from hers and focused on the rest of the ceremony.

It was a long day for them all and that night they sat out at the family's picnic table. A cold beer being held by each of them. There wasn't much to be said. Their teammate was buried and they would have to move on without him. Easier said than done. Preach and McG excused themselves for bed after telling Jaz they had flights home in the early morning. Adam and Jaz looked at the stars together.

"You and I are going to stay here for a couple weeks. Spend some time recuperating and supporting his family," he told her.

She turned to look at his profile, "You're staying too?"

"Yup. They offered the spare house. I thought you might like some company and there's nothing at my place that needs attention."

"Okay. Sounds good to me. By the way, I'm sorry about today."

"About what?"

"I practically knocked you over at the funeral."

"I noticed but you don't have to apologize. You were startled. We'll have to get you back to the range as soon as the arm is completely healed."

"What if I can't tolerate it?"

"Don't borrow trouble. It'll be fine. You just need to get used to picking up a gun and using it again. You aren't the first soldier who's had to recover from trauma and you won't be the last."

"I hope you're right."

"You know I'm always right."

She laughed as she stood up and walked back to the house. Elijah's family had been exhausted and she realized everyone had gone to bed. She walked into Elijah's room and looked around in more detail than she had in the past. There were pictures of him everywhere. Trophies that he had won in his high school years on shelves on every wall. Many things from his past. She was struck by the reality that everything was now in his past. There would be no more pictures. Suddenly she realized she couldn't stay in his room. Last night it hadn't been a problem but now it was very much a problem. She changed into warmer clothes and decided to walk down to the water feature she and Elijah had installed for his parents on their last extended leave. It was a quick walk and when she arrived she sat against one of the trees. Leaning her head back against it, she listened to the gurgling of the small waterfall. She remembered the fun they had that day. Elijah trying to convince her that he was a master landscaper while she was convinced they were doomed to failure. By the time they were done, they had both been covered in mud, but they had been successful. She drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in getting this last chapter posted. Snow storms kept knocking out my Wifi. I normally don't start posting chapters until a story is fully complete. However, this time I rewrote the final chapter no less than six times while I was posting the other chapters. There were just so many possibilities. Clearly I would be a terrible television episode writer because I would want to explore each and every one. :) Finally I decided on this version of events and I hope you enjoy it.

The next morning Adam looked down at Jaz who was sleeping peacefully. Elijah's family had been in quite the uproar when they woke and saw that his room was empty. His father had stopped over to see if perhaps she had gone to the smaller house to be with her team. Once Adam confirmed that she wasn't with McG or Preach, he had quickly gotten dressed and helped Elijah's father search the property. They had both stumbled upon her at about the same time. Elijah's father walked back to the house leaving Jaz to Adam. He laid a hand on her knee. Her eyes slowly opened but she was clearly more asleep than awake.

"Elijah?"

"No, sorry."

She inhaled sharply as the events of the day before came back to her.

"Sorry, Top."

"No worries. What are you doing out here, Jaz?"

"I couldn't sleep so I decided to come and check out the last project Elijah and I completed."

"You two made this?"

"Yup. It looks pretty good, huh?"

"I have to admit you two did a good job."

They both watched the water feature for a few minutes in silence.

"Preach and McG are leaving in a bit. Want to go see them off?"

She nodded and they walked back towards the main house just in time to see the taxi pull up. She hugged McG and then turned to Preach who also hugged her before pulling her off the ground to whisper in her ear.

"You take care, Jaz. Call me if you need me."

She watched as they got into the car and it pulled away. Never before had it been so hard to watch them leave. What if something happened? What if this was the last time she saw them? No, she couldn't let herself think that way. It would paralyze her. Fortunately, Elijah's mom came out of the house giving her just the distraction that she needed.

"Jaz, get a shower. We have a busy day ahead of us."

Adam watched her smile. It lit up her whole face before she rushed back to the house.

"Where are you ladies off to today?" he asked.

"Jaz and I usually have a girls' day out when she visits. Today we're going to do some horseback riding, have lunch, go shopping, grab dinner, and see a movie. I like to spoil her since I never had a chance to have a girl of my own. Now some of it is spoiling her but some of it is just a distraction for me. We're both grieving in our own ways. I'm hoping we can help each other hold it together."

"I offered to help your husband finish that garden project he mentioned yesterday with the same idea in mind. A distraction."

She laughed, "I'm sure it will be just that for you. The "never ending project" is a much better description than "garden project". It's been in the works for no less than four years. Good luck getting it finished. He keeps changing his mind."

Thirty minutes later Adam waved at the women as they drove away. He and Elijah's father did manage to accomplish a lot on the project but it did take them all day. The sun was long down by the time they finished and the women returned. He took a second to pull Jaz aside.

"Now that the boys are gone feel free to move into the house with me. There's room now."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"No, it's no different than being on Base. I know you didn't sleep outside just because you wanted to look at your project. If you can't stay in Elijah's room there's nothing wrong with finding a new place. You know his family would understand."

She felt some of the tightness uncoil in her chest. While she had enjoyed her day out, the night had occasionally loomed in her thoughts. She had never had trouble sleeping in Elijah's old room while he sacked out on the couch. But it was different now and she couldn't do it.

"Okay. I'll be over in a little while."

True to her word Adam heard Jaz enter the house less than an hour later.

"Top?"

"I'm watching TV in the room on the left at the top of the stairs."

He heard the creaking of the stairs seconds before her saw her pop her head around the doorframe.

"You took the only bedroom with a TV, huh?"

"Yup, leadership has it's privileges," he replied.

"What are you watching?"

"Military history."

"Such a shock," she said with a smile.

"I changed the sheets on the bed across the hall for you."

"Thanks. I'll put my stuff in there and get ready for bed."

"Have a good night, Jaz."

"You too."

He heard her head to the shared bathroom and realized he was much happier now that she was here. While he was a loner at heart, there were certain people, mainly his team, who he could be around all the time. They just fit. Losing Elijah was hard because he was one of those people. It was starting to sink in that he would never have the chance to argue with him again, target shoot, or participate in the one-upmanship he had gotten used to during their time as teammates.

In the middle of those thoughts, Adam drifted off into some much needed sleep but found himself awakened shortly thereafter by the creaking of the stairs. He rolled over to check the time. Only three hours had passed since Jaz had arrived. Apparently she wasn't going to be sleeping much tonight. He heard the TV come on quietly, tried to fall back to sleep, but found himself listening instead. He was worried about her. She hadn't slept much last night and it looked like tonight was going to be more of the same. He wondered what she was doing.

Jaz was wondering what she was doing as well. She had planned to wait until tomorrow to do this but she couldn't go back to sleep until she knew what she held in her hands. Elijah's mother had given it to her when she went back to the house to retrieve her belongings and explain the change in her sleeping arrangements. She reported that she had found it in a drawer and that Elijah had left a sticky note on it instructing the family to give it to her. Opening the padded envelope, Jaz found a DVD. She put the disc in the DVD player and her heart stopped as Elijah stepped into view on the screen. He took a seat on a folding chair holding a bottle of beer in his hand.

"Hi, Jaz. I've gotten in the habit of filming you a video every time we've been on leave. Just in case. If you're watching this. . .well, if you're watching this. . . I'm gone. I left this next to a gold cross my mom gave me when I went into the military. I never wore it but I always knew she would bury me in it if I died in the line of duty. I knew she would find this and give it to you."

He paused to take a deep breath and tears began to roll down her face as she watched him.

"I'm sorry, Jaz. I wish we had more time. It's never enough, is it? One one hand I hope you were with me when it happened. I'd like your face to have been one of the last things I saw. On the other hand, if you were with me, you saw me fall. I know you, Jaz. Well enough to know that on some level you're probably blaming yourself. Blaming yourself for not being there or blaming yourself for being there and not being able to protect me. I want you to stop. Stop blaming yourself. This wasn't your fault. I went into this job knowing it was risky. Honestly I'm much happier that you're watching this video than I would be if our positions were reversed."

Jaz could barely breathe. When she put the DVD in the player she had never expected this to be what was on it. She wasn't prepared to watch it but she couldn't bring herself to turn it off either.

"I love you, Jaz. I should have said the words to you before. Hopefully my actions told you. You're the sister I never had and I was blessed that you were willing to partner with me. You are more amazing than you think and I'm not the only one who has noticed. Trust me when I say our fearless leader is captivated. He was totally aware of you by your second day on the team. Of course, there's nothing you can do it about it now, but I'm pretty sure he's your future. Let him help you in the coming weeks and months. Things are likely going to change for the two of you. Now that I'm gone he's going to want you by his side in the field. Not because you aren't fully capable on your own but because the thought of losing you will be too much. The whole team will be there for you. Please try not to push them away. You always want to go it alone, and you don't have to, not anymore. I know you're hurting and I wish this hadn't happened. You have no idea how much I don't want you to have to deal with the pain. God knows you've had enough of that in your life already."

Jaz grabbed a handful of tissues from the box on the coffee table and began to wipe her face. She realized she was leaning so far forward that she was going to fall off the couch if she wasn't careful. She wanted to reach out and touch him but she knew the video was from the past, not the present, though it didn't feel that way. It felt like he was right in the room with her.

While Jaz was quietly falling apart, Adam realized he was hearing Elijah's voice, and it was enough to drag him from bed. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt and was halfway down the stairs before he froze upon seeing the image on the screen.

"You take care of yourself, Jaz. You better believe I'll be watching over you. I know you're not the most spiritual person but I believe that we'll see each other again. But it better not be for a long time. I want you to live your life and I want you to enjoy it. Never forget that I love you."

They both watched the screen as Elijah stood up and walked out of sight and turned off the camera. The only sound left was the sobs Jaz was trying to restrain. Adam could see her whole body shaking with grief. It broke his heart.

He walked the rest of the way down the stairs not even trying to be quiet. Jaz was so caught up in the moment that she wasn't aware of his approach. Not until he crouched down in front of her and wiped at her tears. He couldn't stop some of his own from escaping. In this moment he didn't care about the regulations, the need for professional distance, and all the other rules he was usually so careful to follow. He picked her up and sat with her on his lap hugging her close. Her tears were wet on his neck as she leaned into him. He gently stroked her back and spoke to her quietly.

"I promise, Jaz, we're all going to be okay. There'll always be a scar on our hearts from his loss but we'll also have the memories of happier times together. I don't think any of us would give those up even knowing we'd have to suffer his loss sooner rather than later."

He reached his arm over his head and grabbed the Afghan on the back of the couch. Wrapping them in it, he pressed a kiss to her temple. Neither of them slept but they did find solace in each other's arms as the sun rose and another day began. One of many where they would have to move forward without Elijah and work to fulfill his last instruction: Enjoy life. Adam knew he was going to make it his mission to see to it that she did.

As the months passed, it was clear to Preach and McG that Elijah's loss had been a turning point for Jaz and Adam. Previously Adam had always partnered her with someone else on the team in order to maintain appropriate professional distance. After Elijah's death those rules had seemed less important. Now he and Jaz were almost always partners in the field and Adam wasn't sure how he had ever done without her by his side.

In the quiet of his bunk Adam often looked back on past conversations. He realized now that Elijah had always been gently pushing him to spend more time with Jaz. He had made several mentions that he thought her energy would be good for him and it turned out he'd been right.

Adam knew he wasn't the same person now that he had been before Elijah's loss. Instead of being solely focused on the day-to-day he now tried to think about what he wanted from his life. He knew he and Jaz were headed toward another turning point in their relationship and, regardless of the consequences, he wouldn't regret it. If there was one thing that Elijah's death had taught him, it was that life didn't come with guarantees. Sometimes a person had to reach out and grab at what they wanted.


End file.
